Yes I am still alive. I had disappeared from the blogosphere and most of social media recently, as I have been doing my best to adjust to the new normal. It also didn’t help that I spilled my protein shake on my computer and pretty much killed it! Life without a computer has been miserable, however it has allowed me time to get use to my new full time job, and figure out how to balance my other obligations in addition to spending time with myself and figuring what I want out of life. At least what I want in this season of my life right now.
Last December, I wrote a blog post about my new years goals. You can read more about that here. I bring this up because a lot has changed since then. My life, my goals and what I feel is important. As I think back now, writing those goals gave me something to achieve or strive for, but they didn’t hold any value. Such as, yes I set a goal to get 5 strict unbroken pull-ups, and yes I achieved that goal… Now what? Some might say go for 10, or look for another fitness goal. I have been there and done that and it’s fine. I have lost weight and gained weight, I have built muscle and hit PR’s, had good days and bad ones, but there was something missing… Why do all of this? For a better body? To prove that I can? I don’t know. All I know it that after completing one goal I still had this feeling of emptiness. At times I still feel like something is missing…
While I can’t put my finger on what it is just yet, I can say that I am changing. My mindset, my lifestyle, my presence in this world. Instead of doing another fitness challenge for 2017 I chose to go on a trip with my girlfriends to do some incredible hiking, get away from the norm, and also re-connect with family and friends, and it was the best decision I made in 2017. In fact it might be one of the most important decisions I have made in a long time. It allowed me to reflect on the past, and have a better understanding of what I want in the future. This trip also showed me who I want in my life and the importance of relationships. Most importantly, the time I got to spend with my grandmother who passed away unexpectedly two short weeks after my visit with her.
I had a few magical moments with my grandmother, where I got to see a different perspective of life as a woman. At 95 years old my grandmother was the epitome of grace, strength, and love. Having raised 4 children, starting over in her 50’s to support my grandfather’s new and upcoming business, moving away from family and friends and all that was familiar. She was up for adventure and an incredible supportive wife. My grandmother was charitable with her time and money. She was kind, forgiving and never judged others. She drove jeeps and trucks on mountains before it was considered cool to do so.
One morning as I washed my grandmothers face, and put lotion on her hands, I had a very surreal, still moment…I realized that I am partly here on earth because of this woman. I am part of her. What an honor! My grandmother didn’t chase goals, or even give any thought or attention to what’s next… She just lived. She lived a joyful life, surrounding herself with many different kinds of people. All who loved and adored her. Not for what she could do, or what she had, but for who she was. Giving of time, and self.
So, as I hiked those mountains with my girlfriends and ate yummy food and played tourist in San Francisco, I came back to the east coast with a different perspective. No more chasing goals and numbers, just to chase more goals and numbers. While health is very important to me, so is living life and experiencing life. Being present in relationships. Spending time with myself and taking care of my needs. Whether that’s sleep, a walk, or something more indulgent; taking care of me and having a healthy relationship with myself will allow me to show up and cultivate better relationships with others.
Especially now that I am working full time, (first time since becoming a mom) it’s even more important to focus on enjoying the little things in life. Social media is a drain. It takes away from being present in this world. You won’t find me on FB anymore and very little on Instagram and SnapChat. I would much rather be writing, living, and having enjoyable life experiences without having to post about it or read all the posts of people just mindlessly posting about nothing. I’m excited to embark on yet another journey of finding the extraordinary in the simplicity of the ordinary.